I understand...

All of use have had our hearts picked up and smashed against a wall. All of us have lost family, friends, and loved ones dear to us. All of us have faced unfair, cruel circumstances. And as we go through them feeling and thinking no one has ever endured such pain... no one has ever lived through such hell and sadness, it's very true. No one ever has. No one can enter your head, step into your shoes, and live the tragedy you're living through, not even a person who may have had a similar experience. Too many variables like past experiences, someone's strength of character, someone's backbone (or lack of backbone), and in some cases just plain stubbornness can help one through the deep, dark times.

I think that's why it gets on my nerves and pisses me off so much when people say to me.... "I understand." How in the world can they understand? They aren't me. Many don't have a clue what makes me tick. Hell, some days I don't even know.

What they can understand is that long, twisting, winding road of grieving, mourning, the crawling back to life, and sometimes rough steps forward to continue on. Because that they have been through, in one form or another.

The statement of one day at a time can work some days, while other days it's hour by hour. I think a better term to say is "I sympathize."

Well, it's official

Work has been crazy and I haven't taken the time to write down some thoughts... I'm now registered at Chemeketa Community College for the Fall 2005 term. Starting off with a "Credit for Prior Learning" course, with the hope of receiving college credits for some of the basics. Winter term I'll start the Financial Accounting series. Considering I have roughly 23 years in accounting, payroll and computers, I should have had my ass back in school long ago. May 2005 marked 27 years since high school graduation. Damn, where did the time go?

In an effort to bring in some extra income, I've been running my own little store at http://www.cafepress.com/domadesign with some fun stuff. And today I signed up to become an independent business owner through Quixtar. Hard to believe all the stuff available through this site. Decent prices too. The address is www.quixtar.com and you'll need my IBO number 4399979 to register as a client for free. I found the XS Energy drinks to be really good. The best part is zero carbs, no sugar and only 8 calories per can. The boost is from the B vitamins and I was rather surprised how well they worked.

It would be nice to be able to pay the truck off early with some extra income. My 2% COLA at work put me in to a higher tax bracket, plus with my deferred comp deduction at a percentage, I actually brought home less. Go figure...